HumMMoR
PACAR YANG ANEHCindy punya pacar EDO yang taat agama.
Akibatnya Cindy gerah juga. Maka Cindy cari akal: "Kata kamu "burung"mu itu simbol setan ya?" EDO mengangguk dengan serius. Cindy tanya lagi: " kau juga bilang 'punya'ku ini lambang neraka bukan?". EDO jawab serius :"Benar, makanya aku harus menjauhinya..!". Cindy bantah: " Kalo gitu kamu nanti akan dimarahi-Nya loh!!??" EDO kaget : "Kenapa?" Cindy jawab dengan senang :" Ya jelas dimarahi, karena tidak cepat2 memasukkan 'SETAN' ke dalam 'NERAKA'!!"
ARMYOki bertugas didampingi tentara PBB di IRAQ.
Hal pertama yang ditanya adalah masalah kebutuhan SEX.
Kata komandan: "Kami biasa pake ONTA BETINA ini".
Sebulan, Oki ngga tahan juga. Malu2 ia pinjam ONTA BETINA itu.
Di tempat sepi, Oki salurkan hasratnya. 15 menit kemudian ia kembalikan onta itu.
Komandan heran: "Cepat sekali Oki?" Oki makin malu:"Biasanya berapa lama?"
Komandan jawab: "3 jam! Soalnya jarak barak ke rumah pelacuran sekitar 3 KM"
SELINGKUHAlex pulang cepat. Ia dapati istrinya ditempat tidur berkeringat dan bugil. Kata istrinya agak takut: "Pa.. aku... aku... kena serangan jantung!". Tiba-tiba anaknya teriak ketakutan: "Papa! Ada lelaki bugil di dalam lemari!" Alex buka lemari dan dapati Boy sahabatnya sendiri bugil. Marahlah Alex: " BOOOOYYY!!!! Tega-teganya kau!!!.. ISTRIKU SAKIT JANTUNG KAU MALAH BUGIL BIKIN TAKUT ANAKKU.!!!"
DOKTER YANG ANEHNgga tahan beban emosional, sahabat Rendi yang DOKTER itu curhat: "Ren, bagaimana ya menghilangkan kebiasaan selingkuh dengan para pasienku? Aku telah langgar sumpah dokterku!" Rendi coba menghibur: " Sudahlah. Normal pria selingkuh dengan wanita. Apalagi kau belum menikah." DOKTER makin murung: " Tapi Ren, aku ini kan dokter hewan?"
PACAR BARUSetelah bercinta semalaman dengan penuh semangat, si cowok melihat foto laki2 disamping tempat tidur cewek td. Dengan penasaran si cowok bertanya, "foto suamimu?" "Bukan goblok" si cewek menjawab sambil memelet lidahnya "Pacarmu?" lanjut cowok td dengan penasaran "bukan...bukan" jawab cewek td sambil memainkan lidahnya pd penis si cowok. "kl begitu pasti kakakmu atau saudaramu?? kalau bukan juga jd siapa dong??? si cowok memohon.
"Itu fotoku sebelum operasi..."
Touching story
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour
each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end.
They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their
jobs, their involvement in the military service,
where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he
would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could
see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where
his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color
of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played
on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked
arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline
could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man
on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the
picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his
mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive
words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to
find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully
in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take
the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be
moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after
making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first
look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled
his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside
this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the
wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own
situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money
can't buy.
"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."
PUT THE GLASS DOWN
When You Leave Office Today
Study this small story
Hope that make a big change in you
Professor began his class by
Holding up a glass with some water in it
He held it up for all to see and asked the student :
"
How much do you think this glass weighs ? "
"
50 gms,.... 100 gms, ....125 gms "
The students answered
I really don't know unless I weigh it,
said the Professor, but My question is
" What would happen if I held it up like this
for a few minutes "
"
Nothing " The students said
"
Ok, What would happen if I held it up like this
for an hour ? " The Professor asked
Your arm would begin to ache,
said One of the student
You are right
Now, " What would happen if
I held it up like this for a day ? ""
Your arm could go numb
You might have severe muscle stress and paralysis
and have to go to Hospital ! "ventured another student and
all the students laughed
" Very good "
" But during all this,
did the weight of the glass change ? "
asked The Professor
"
NO "
Then, What caused the arm ache and the muscle stress ?The students were PUZZLED
"
PUT THE GLASS DOWN "
said one of the student
" Exactly ! " said The Professor
LIFE's PrObLeM are something like this
Hold it for a few minutes in your head, seem OK
Think them for a long time and
they begin to ache your head
Hold it even longer and
they begin to paralyze you
YoU WiLL NoT AbLe tO dO AnYthIng
It's ImPorTanT to tHinK oF thE Problems in YoUR LIfE
but EVEN IMpoRTANT to PUT tHEm DOwN
at the end of everyday before you go to sleep
That way, YOu aRe noT stresseD ,
YoU wake up everyday.. FrESh and StroNg
anD caN HanDle any problems thaT coMES youR WAy
So DON't FOrGET to
PUT thE The GlasS Down To dddddddAY 
joke
I've got these joke from e-mail of My Closed Friend from [
TaI - OnE]
1.If you had sex for 365 times a year,
you could melt all the condoms and have enough rubber to make a tyre.
And you could call this tyre : a Fucking "GOODYEAR"
2.Teacher asked : Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
Kid replied : The legs...because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".
3.
Teacher : Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say"TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".
4.What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
Answer : When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over.
But when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.
5.
AGES OF WOMEN'S VITAL ORGAN... Va---GiNa :
16 TO 19 BRAND NEW.
20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!
6.MUM : Didn't I tell you if stranger touches your breast say "DON'T".
And if he touches your pussy say STOP!
GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him ..."DON'T STOP!!!!"
7.GIRLS REACTION TO PEN---IS SIZES
9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS IT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!
